In the realm of family crisis and relationship challenges, there are dedicated professionals who diligently offer support and guidance to those in need. Among them is Dr. Stephen O'Kane, an experienced family violence counsellor at the Family Relationship Centre at EACH (Eastern Access Community Health).

With 15 years of experience in counselling, Dr. O'Kane has witnessed a myriad of relationship breakdowns, some much messier than others.

Working alongside mediators who refer couples in distress to him, Dr. O'Kane navigates the tumultuous waters of relationships before, during, and after break-ups, offering vital insights on family violence and parenting orders. His role also encompasses the close facilitation of the Parenting Orders Program, a crucial intervention often mandated by the family court for parents in conflict.

"This is a program that the family court often tells parents to do," Dr. O'Kane explained.

"The focus of that training is, you can have as much of a dispute between the two of you as you like, but there's great little people over there called children, and you really need to start putting their interests first."

An integral aspect of his work involves educating parents about what is truly in the child's best interests and ensuring this is considered at all stages of a relationship dispute or breakdown, "Whether you decide to stay in the relationship or not," he said.

In a landscape where emotions run high and tensions often flare, Dr. O'Kane emphasised that the focus of his role is always the well-being and best interests of the child.

"There's a duty to protect children from physical and psychological harm, and from being subjected to or exposed to neglect or family violence," Dr. O'Kane stated.

However, he acknowledged that the true challenge lies in determining how to actually do this.

"It's about understanding what children really have the right to," he elaborated. "They have the right to receive love, guidance, understanding, and boundaries from their parents."

But of course, that's not always the case. When family dynamics go wrong, and children are at risk it is Dr O’Kane’s job to find out why.

Exploring the multifaceted nature of family violence, Dr. O'Kane highlighted various contributing factors. "It might be that there's a situation where one of the parties has a mental health issue or a drug issue, or there's been a disagreement in the household, and neither party has the communication skills to resolve that other than pushing and shoving," he said.

“They've been taught that that's the only way to deal with that issue,” he explained.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, family violence is more likely to be perpetrated by men than by women.

“I've had a lot of experience working with angry, violent men,” Dr. O’Kane said.

He elaborated on the notion that individuals often resort to behaviours they've been conditioned to think are normal.

“I've asked them where that's come from, and often they have said things like, I didn't have a father for most of my life or in my home environment there was lots of abuse and violence and anger.”

He explained that when people have problems, they “do what they’ve been taught to do.”

“It's about teaching and educating people about the differences between anger and violence, and to give them some tools and techniques to deal with some of those things.”

From there, it’s up to Dr. O'Kane to figure out how to best move forward, to give these violent people a way out of that behaviour and ultimately find a better way to cope.

“Every client has a way forward, but they might not understand what that is,” he said.

“There is a belief around that some men can’t change but I’ve run men’s behaviour change programs and I’ve seen enormous change in some men.”

In his role, Dr. O'Kane remains dedicated to guiding individuals towards healthier coping mechanisms and fostering positive behavioural change, ultimately striving to break the cycle of violence and protect the children that often get caught in the crossfire.

You can learn more about Stephen by listening HERE