It may be a neighbour overhearing a heated argument or colleague noticing signs of abuse, bystanders are often pivotal in offering support to victims of family violence.
A bystander is someone not directly involved as the perpetrator or victim but can still influence the situation. They often have the power to deter, prevent, or intervene. However, many bystanders feel unsure about how to act, fearing they might make things worse.
Understanding family violence
Understanding the signs of family violence is crucial to enable bystanders to identify potential victims.
Family violence is behaviour perpetrated by one person against another, where two people are in a relevant relationship, which is:
- Physically or sexually abusive.
- Emotionally or psychologically abusive.
- Economically abusive.
- Threatening.
- Coercive.
- Any other way that controls or dominates the victim and causes the victim to fear for their own, or someone else’s, safety and wellbeing.
What to do if you are a bystander of family violence
Bystanders can be more likely to take action against family violence when empowered by various factors, including:
- Knowledge: Understanding sexism, harassment, and the root causes of violence.
- Awareness: Recognising the severe impact of violence against women.
- Support: Encouragement from peers or organisations, boosting confidence in intervention.
- Empathy: Feeling compassion towards victims, motivating action.
- Responsibility: Recognising the obligation to intervene.
- Skills: Developing the ability to effectively intervene.
- Commitment: Dedication to gender equity and fostering respectful relationships.
Complex terrain of bystander intervention
When navigating the complex terrain of bystander intervention in cases of family violence, knowing what actions to take can be pivotal. These actionable guidelines can assist bystanders when making the first steps.
- Listen without judgment and discreetly take notes after they leave, as evidence may be crucial for police.
- Help them make a safety plan, including keeping essential items at home (such as a bag containing copies of documents like birth certificates, pre-paid mobile phones, and pre-paid visa debit cards) and using a safe word, (like sending a blank text message).
- Simply ask, “Are you okay?” as there is no harm in expressing concern with these three words. Building trust may take time, but eventually, the person may feel comfortable confiding in you.
- Offer your phone for accessing support services, if safe.
- If children are present, check in with them. Establishing a discreet signal indicating distress (placing a certain toy in a window, can be helpful for signalling the need for intervention).
- Provide support if financial abuse is suspected, offer food, assistance with shopping, or provide meals.
- Consider risks before offering your home as a safe space and consult with the victim and Safe Steps if needed.
- If you overhear what you suspect is a domestic violence incident, consider a safe way to intervene. Assess the situation discreetly, perhaps by knocking on the door and asking to borrow something. Observe the atmosphere and reactions when the door is answered and closed. If in doubt or on the side of caution, contact the police for assistance.
- If you intervene in a witnessed situation (individually or as a group), ensure that the police are informed and follow up on the incident.
Barriers that prevent individuals
There are however barriers that prevent individuals from being active bystanders, as well as certain factors that leave bystanders disempowered to speak up:
- Diffusion of responsibility: Bystanders may not act because they think someone else will intervene.
- Ambiguity and perceived norms: People may believe inaction is okay and that the behaviour they are witnessing is acceptable, if others aren’t doing anything.
- Rigid gender roles: Traditional beliefs like “guys are just like that” or “boys will be boys,” can serve as a justification for inaction.
- Power dynamics: Fear of consequences may stop bystanders from challenging authority figures.
- Not knowing how to intervene: Bystanders may fear making things worse if they don’t know what to do.
- Safety concerns: Fear of retaliation can prevent people from intervening.
- Desire to maintain image: Worries about how others perceive their intervention can discourage action.
Bystanders serve as key agents in the fight against family violence, acting as vital links between victims and intervention. Recognising the distinction between family violence and normal relationship conflicts is paramount; healthy relationships should never involve behaviours that instil fear or diminish one’s self-worth. By acknowledging these differences, bystanders can provide appropriate support.
Resources
We provide specialist support services for anyone in Victoria who is experiencing or afraid of family violence.
1800RESPECT is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.
National Debt Helpline is a not-for-profit service that helps people tackle their debt problems. Their professional financial counsellors offer a free, independent and confidential services.
Call triple zero (000) if the situation is serious and urgent. You should call triple zero (000) if: someone is seriously injured or needs urgent medical help your life or property is being threatened or in danger.
Lifeline 13 11 14, is a National charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. darkest moments alone.