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Gaslighting: Understanding and Overcoming Psychological Manipulation

Films and television have long been powerful tools for exploring complex social issues, including family violence. While these depictions can sometimes perpetuate harmful stereotypes or romanticise abusive relationships, they can also play a crucial role in raising awareness, challenging societal norms, and providing us the language to describe abusive behaviours. The term “gaslighting,” for example, originated from the 1938 play Gas Light and its film adaptations, offering a concise way to describe the manipulative tactics used to undermine a person’s sense of reality.

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique used to exert psychological control. Those who are gaslit are repeatedly given false information, leading them to question their own reality and self-image. This manipulation can cause victims to doubt their memories, perceptions, and even their sanity. Over time, gaslighting tactics can become more subtle, making it harder for victims to know the truth.

Gaslighting can occur in both personal and professional relationships, targeting victims at the core of their self-identity and self-worth. Gaslighters generally seek to dominate their victims to gain control emotionally, physically, or financially.

A relationship with a gaslighter may start off feeling positive. They might offer a lot of compliments and quickly share their secrets, a strategy known as “love bombing,” to build trust quickly. By speeding up the initial stages of forming a connection the gaslighter can begin manipulative tactics sooner.

At the start of the relationship, gaslighters may lie about small things, but over time the lies may become more serious. They might accuse the victim of being dishonest and use intermittent reinforcement to confuse the victim further. They may also try to turn others against the victim by portraying them as deceitful, crazy or delusional.

Gaslighting is more widespread and effective than many realise. Victims can come from any background and be of any age. This form of emotional manipulation has been used by domestic abusers, tyrants, narcissists, and cult leaders throughout history and continues today. Identifying gaslighting involves recognising the below key signs:

  • Consistent Doubts: Victims often question their own memories and understanding of events.
  • Inconsistent Behaviour: Gaslighters may act differently to their victims than to others (e.g., acting as a “pillar of the community”), causing confusion and self-doubt.
  • Isolation Tactics: Attempts to turn others against the victim or portray the victim as problematic.

Gaslighting profoundly damages trust and self-worth. Victims may lose confidence in their own judgments, blame themselves for their vulnerability, and develop troubles in trusting future partners. The trauma caused by this form of abuse can significantly alter a person’s view of themselves and others.

One crucial aspect of identifying gaslighting involves paying attention to somatic symptoms and intuitive responses. Physical symptoms such as unexplained anxiety, chronic fatigue, headaches, or stomach issues can indicate emotional distress caused by gaslighting. The following symptoms can be valuable in assessing if you are being gaslit:

  • Listening to Your Body: Persistent discomfort or unease in certain situations or around particular individuals might signal manipulation or emotional abuse.
  • Intuition as a Guide: Your intuition, often described as a “gut feeling,” can help recognise gaslighting. Trusting these feelings can be essential in assessing the reality of your interactions and protecting yourself from manipulation.
  • Connecting Intuition and Reality: Gaslighters aim to erode your confidence in your perceptions. By paying attention to physical symptoms and intuitive responses, you can maintain a clearer sense of reality and seek support from trusted individuals or professionals for further clarity.

Reconnecting with your intuition and somatic experiences is crucial for healing from gaslighting. Learning to trust your own feelings and perceptions again can be challenging but empowering. Validating your own experiences and listening to your body’s signals can help you reclaim your sense of reality and self-worth.

Everyone’s experience with psychological manipulation, such as gaslighting, is unique. If you find yourself struggling with the effects of gaslighting or need emotional support, reaching out for help can be a vital step towards healing. Here are some resources:

  • 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
  • Lifeline: 13 11 14
  • 13YARN: 13 92 76
  • Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800
  • Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
  • Headspace: 1800 650 890
  • Rainbow Door: 1800 729 367

These services offer confidential support and can help guide you through the process of recognising and recovering from gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse. Do not hesitate to reach out for the support you deserve.

Further Resources

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Posted on September 17, 2024
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