While these “offences” don’t land anyone in jail, they probably should.
So in the spirit of fun (and mild public shaming), here’s a list of everyday behaviours that aren’t technically crimes but definitely feel illegal.
Some of us have places to be. If you and your mates are meandering five abreast, that’s organised obstruction.
Maximum penalty: one aggressively passive “excuse me” and a lifetime ban from escalators.
It’s a podcast. If I need snacks and headphones to get through your message, it’s too long.
Was that a threat?
You know what you did.
And you’ll do it again.
And your coworkers will never forget.
Honourable mention: Eating said stink at your desk.
You just triggered a full psychological breakdown. Emotional terrorism.
Honourable mention: “I need to tell you something… but I’ll tell you later.” Absolutely not.
It’s two metres to the trolley bay. TWO. METRES.
You’ve created a vehicular obstacle course and committed a silent act of civil disobedience.
You are not in a La-Z-Boy showroom. Penalty: Being stuck in the middle seat between a toddler and a snorer.
Honourable mention: Standing up the second the plane lands. Where are you going, exactly?Dishonourable mention: Clapping when the plane lands.
Nobody asked to be part of your doctor’s appointment. Thanks, Sharon, now we all know about your fungal foot infection.
You’re not just breaking trust; you are violating an unspoken social contract.
It’s like telling a Star Wars newbie that thing about Luke’s dad. You know the one. We won’t say it.
Cruel. Unnecessary. A modern act of corporate violence.
Penalty: Being looped into every future meeting about that meeting, forever.
In all seriousness...
While these things might be annoying, they’re not actually crimes (even if they feel like they should be). But when it comes to real crime, it’s important to take it seriously and speak up if you have any information.
If something doesn’t sit right, trust your gut. And if you ever see something that feels off, unsafe, or potentially illegal, speak up. You can make an anonymous report at crimestoppersvic.com.au