Romance scams are devastating, not just for the financial losses they cause but for the emotional toll they take on victims.
This type of scam preys on people’s vulnerabilities, creating the illusion of a genuine relationship only to manipulate their trust and ultimately leave them heartbroken..
I just want to make sure you’re safe. Sometimes people online aren’t who they claim to be.
What is a romance scam?
Put simply, it is when someone deceives you into believing you are in a romantic relationship in order to fraudulently take your money.
- These scams often begin with an unexpected message from an unknown person or someone pretending to be an acquaintance you don’t frequently interact with.
- Conversations about relationships or intimacy tend to escalate quickly, often accompanied by a fabricated ‘sob story’ about past mistreatment.
- Scammers prey on your compassion and potential loneliness, engaging you in heartfelt conversations and mirroring your interests and dreams to build trust.
- Eventually, the topic of money will come up—they may subtly hope you’ll offer to help or directly request financial assistance.
- What may start as a small request often leads to a series of escalating demands for money.
- They will try to manipulate you into believing they are your dream partner, claiming they just need a little help to overcome obstacles so you can be together.
- Once they feel they have taken as much money as they can, they will cut off contact entirely, leaving victims both emotionally and financially devastated.
- Falling victims to such scams can leave victims feeling embarrassed and ashamed. However, reinforcing these feelings or blaming the victim is unhelpful and harmful.
Approaching someone you suspect is a victim of a romance scam can be a difficult task—especially if they’re deeply invested in the relationship.
This guide offers strategies and conversation starters to confidently address sensitive topics with your loved ones.
Understanding the Victim’s Perspective
Before initiating a conversation, it’s essential to understand the mindset of someone caught up in a romance scam. Victims may:
- Feel deeply attached to the scammer, believing they’ve found true love.
- Be embarrassed or defensive, fearing judgment.
- Be in denial, convinced their relationship is genuine despite warning signs.
- Have already invested significant money or time, creating a psychological barrier to admitting the truth.
Starting the Conversation
Approach the conversation with empathy and patience. Use non-judgmental language to avoid making the person defensive.
Here are some lines you can use to broach the topic:
- Expressing Concern: “I’ve noticed how happy this relationship seems to make you, but I’m a little worried about something I read recently about online scams. Can we talk about it?”
- Offering Information: “I came across an article about romance scams and how convincing they can be. It made me think about the challenges people face online. Would you be open to discussing it?”
- Sharing Personal Stories: “You know, I recently heard about someone who got caught up in a scam. It was so convincing, even their closest friends were fooled. I just want to make sure everything is okay with your situation.”
Example Conversations, click a response below...
Practical Tips for the Conversation
- Prepare Resources: Bring articles, reports, or links to websites.
- Focus on Safety: Emphasise that your goal is their safety, not to judge their decisions.
- Be Patient: Change may take time. It’s common for victims to resist at first.
- Offer Support: Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.
Red Flags to Highlight
When the conversation allows, gently and kindly point out common romance scam tactics:
- The person’s refusal to meet in person or via video call.
- Requests for money, often framed as urgent or life-threatening.
- Overly romantic or dramatic language early in the relationship.
- Inconsistencies in their stories.
- The person’s refusal to meet in person or via video call.
What to Do If They Refuse to Listen
Despite your best efforts, the victim may remain defensive or unwilling to believe you. In such cases:
- Don’t Force It: Pushing too hard can backfire and damage your relationship.
- Leave the Door Open: Let them know they can come to you anytime if they have doubts.
- Report the Scam: If you have enough evidence, consider reporting the scammer to relevant authorities, such as Victoria Police, Crime Stoppers Victoria or Scam Watch.
Approaching someone who may be a victim of a romance scam requires tact, compassion, and sensitivity.
First, consider whether you are the right person to have this conversation. It should come from a place of genuine care and concern, so if you feel someone else is better suited, encourage them to step in instead.
The most important things to bring to the conversation are empathy, patience, and non-judgmental support. Remember, you can’t force someone to accept the truth, but your efforts to educate and protect them could prevent further emotional and financial harm.
